I found your multimodal essay rough draft to be exceptionally written and most definitely on the right track. Your introductory paragraph was right to the point and your thesis statement was informative on your argument as well as your stance. I thought one of the highlights of your essay was your personal anecdote about your family. It added a really personal touch that some people would be able to relate to. It was placed and elaborated on really well within your essay. To add, you integrated quotes and evidence exceptionally well and the use of them really strengthened your claim. My only suggestion for revisions would include the revision of the closing paragraph. To add, there were very minimal spelling errors scattered throughout the essay which is easily fixed. In all, your essay was very well written and you are definitely on the right track for the final draft.